I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize