Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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