meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
