i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
