You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize