Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
