You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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