'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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