I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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