I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
