Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
