FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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