I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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