woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize