Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God I need to hump something, right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
