Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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