I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
