So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
