went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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