You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
