I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize