God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
