so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
