Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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