Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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