mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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