My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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