as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The struggles of a small town man whore
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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