So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
