cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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