Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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