There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
