getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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