I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
