When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
