..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
