just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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