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remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
