Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
