I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I love you. Go after that dick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
