is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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