I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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