You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
