Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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