walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
