I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
