My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
