what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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