He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
