Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
