that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
