hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize