READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
