I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
