She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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