this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
