i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
