I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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