Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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