piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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