I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
