One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
