No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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