Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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