Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
