Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
