i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
