Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
