Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Michael Bay diarrhea
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
