apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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