Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
