my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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