It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize