i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
