Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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