dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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