My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
