and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
