oh god the rape fog is back!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
