Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
