having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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