Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
