first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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