Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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