he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
