Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
