Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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