I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
