proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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