I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
