i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dicks are not precious.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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