take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
