He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
