When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
