a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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