I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
