I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
