you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
