I hope mine doesn't look like that
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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