You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize