my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize