At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
